Equality On Trial

Golden Oldie: Are you an anti-LGBT conservative? Did you just sound like a homophobe? Then this piece is for you.

December 29, 2010

Community/Meta

Another one of my personal favs. Sometimes you just gotta take a minute to mess.

We at P8TT are taking Christmas through New Year’s off. Golden Oldies you requested will run in the place of regular posts. Regularly scheduled programming will resume on January 3rd–Adam Bink

Cross-posted at my home blog, OpenLeft.com

By Adam Bink

So I haven’t written much about my fellow Buffalonian Carl Paladino and his ugly comments on sexual orientation, partly because I have to keep my blood pressure down. But his “apology” is just something I have to dismantle, because it just makes me roll my eyes at the same old story.

A week or so ago, I did a piece on these recent suicides anti-LGBT conservative responses to it, titled “Are you an anti-LGBT conservative? Are you worried about people questioning your role in anti-LGBT bullying? Then this piece is for you.“ In it, I wrote that there is a time-tested recipe for how they respond to such news. Example:

1 teaspoon each of the words “tragic” “appalling” and “heartbreaking”. Optional substitutions: “terrible” or “sad”. This will emphasize that you really do have a heart.

1/4 cup of compulsory “bullying is wrong”. Here’s [Chuck] Colson:

First, we must absolutely, positively condemn harassment and bullying in all of their ugly forms.

1/2 cup of trying to show that LGBT kids aren’t especially targeted.

Here’s Kathleen Parker:

Although Clementi was filmed with another man, one can imagine as easily a roommate spying on a heterosexual encounter.

Here’s Colson:

Cyber bullying is an equal-opportunity crime.

Here’s Maggie [Gallagher]:

…the cruelty of cyberbullying is causing teen suicides among those who are not gay, as well.

1 quart of “social media is really the problem, here- not homophobic kids or where they get their homophobia from.”

Here’s Parker (after discussing social media):

I don’t want to downplay the gay aspect of this travesty, but there isn’t space in a column to tackle everything.

Here’s Colson:

Teenagers have always intimidated and harassed other teenagers. And now with the advent of social media—Facebook, Myspace, Twitter—young people have a new way to abuse and torment each other. It’s called cyber bullying.

You get the idea.

Along comes Paladino, who says some disgusting homophobic comments. And surprise, surprise, he follows the same, tired, scripted recipe for the kind of apology everyone makes when they offend the gays. And so we have a recipe for “How an anti-LGBT conservative can make a seemingly heartfelt apology for homophobic comments”:

One tablespoon of blaming the media. Here’s Paladino:

I did also say some things for which I should have chosen better words. I said other things that the press misinterpreted and misstated.

One cup of “I really do support homosexual, er, gay rights!”

I am 100% against discrimination of any group. I oppose discrimination of any kind in housing, credit, insurance benefits or visitation.

I am 100% against hate crimes in any form.

No word, of course, on whether he’s reversed his opposition to actual laws banning discrimination in employment based on sexual orientation, or opposition to hate crimes legislation.

One teaspoon of denial (however incorrectly stated). Paladino on the ABC’s “This Week”:

I am not a homophobic.

One quart of comparing yourself to someone the larger public thinks is “gay-friendly: (spelling aside)

My position on marriage is based on my personal views. I have the same position on this issue as President Barrack (sic) Obama.

One pint of naming lots of types of people to show you like everyone.

I am concerned with the future for all our citizens, gay, straight, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish and Muslim and Agnostic.

Mix well, and voilà! You have a boilerplate written apology, radio interview, or TV appearance to show you’re not a raving homophobe.

Too bad no one believes you, Carl.

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